Sharing Hope In Crisis

  • What does ministry look like in times of grief?

    Shock & Denial

    Symptoms:
    • Hopelessness, denial, despair, numbness, withdrawal, disorientation
    • Decision making is very difficult.
    Ministry:
    • A ministry of presence, prayer, and assistance is very much needed and appreciated.

    Anger

    Symptoms:
    • Frustration, anxiety, irritation
    • Cast blame on themselves, relatives, doctors, first-responders, and even God
    Ministry:
    • Proverbs 15:1—A soft answer turns away wrath.
    • Do not try to reason or rationalise, but lovingly listen and acknowledge this is a very difficult time.
    • Ask for permission to pray.

    Bargaining*

    Symptoms:
    • Feelings of guilt and personal responsibility
    • A need to make a deal with God
    Ministry:
    • Not to bargain, but this could be a great opportunity to share Christ as a free gift. The gift of forgiveness of sins, eternal life, peace, and a hope for the future.
    • “Let us fall into the hands of the Lord, for his mercy is great” (2 Samuel 24:14).

    Depression*

    Symptoms:
    • A tremendous sense of loss
    • Despair
    • Hopelessness
    • Thoughts of suicide
    • Normal routines could be very difficult
    • A lack of interest and energy to perform even the simplest task
    • Little interest in others
    Ministry:
    • During this time, prayer becomes even more important. Encouragement and attention along with words of hope are very important. Reading the Scriptures to them for extended periods of time will be extremely helpful.
    • Consider Psalm 119.
    • v. 25
    • v. 28
    • Psalms 42 and 88

    Acceptance

    Symptoms:
    • Actively beginning to move on
    • No longer consumed with despair and hopelessness
    • But, many times waves of grief may continue
    • A renewed interest in self, other people, activities, and life in general
    Ministry:
    • This stage can offer an opportunity to verbalise God’s hope and love through Jesus Christ.

    *does not always occur

  • What to say (or not) to those in grief

    OK to Say:

    • “How are you holding up?”
    • “Where were you when it happened?”
    • “What was it like?”
    • “I cannot imagine how difficult this is for you.”
    • “Are you aware of the resources available to you?”
    • “Do you have family in the area?”
    • “Do you have a church family?”
    • “May I pray for you?”
    • “Knowing how important faith is at a time like this, could you tell me about your faith?”

    Things Not to Say:

    • “I know how you feel.”
    • “The Lord gives and the Lord takes away.”
    • “Be happy for what you have left.”
    • “You’ll get over it.”
    • “Life must go on; you’ll feel better before you know it.”
    • “I’m sure it would never happen again.”
    • “You’ll feel better if you would stop crying.”
    • “Thank God you have other children.”
    • “Don’t let it rob you of your joy.”

    *Stay away from personal stories and comparisons.

  • How to be an active listener

    Active Listening:

    • Rephrasing: repeating back the information in your own words.
    • Give full attention: Turn your body toward them. Look at their face and eyes.
    • Be patient and kind: Don’t speak until they are done talking and you’ve had time to think about your response. Show that what they have said matters to you.
    • Don’t have to agree or disagree: You are not there to win a debate or to argue. You are there to be a friend and to minister the love and care of Jesus.
    • The point is to allow them to talk: They have suffered. Allowing them to talk is a form of caring for them.
    • Listening builds trust: Trust is a needed component for there to be a conversation. It takes time.
    • Listening and asking the right questions: You can talk about the things that matter to them and to you without fear of manipulating them. Be kind, gentle, and respectful (see 1 Peter 3:15).
    • Open vs. closed questions

    5 Types Of Questions:

    • Open: Question does not invite any particular answer but opens up discussion or elicits a wide range of answers for creative problem solving.
    • Fact-Finding: Question is aimed at getting information on a particular subject.
    • Follow-Up: Question is intended to get more information or to elicit an opinion.
    • Feedback: Question is aimed at finding the difference that makes the difference.
    • Closed: Question is specific and must be answered with a “yes” or “no” or with details as appropriate.

    Ask questions that involve the senses, feelings, and the experience:

    • “How did it make you feel?”
    • “What did you see?”
    • “Were there any smells you remember?”
    • “Is there one thing you can’t shake?”

    Ask questions that will help them reframe:

    • Move from the event to the next step.
    • “Do you have shelter, family, food … ?”
    • “Do you have … ?”
  • Ministry tips
    1. In your conversation and presence, make sure you are demonstrating God’s compassion and care (short-term presence with long-term ministry in mind).
    2. Use open-ended questions to help them talk about their experience (so you can assist them to their next steps). Spend more time listening than talking.
    3. Help direct them (if needed and within their scope of comfort) to their next reasonable steps. Help them understand available resources.
    4. Are there others in this ministry context you can minister to?
    5. Listen to see what else might be contributing to the level of pain or suffering. Watch and listen for references or reflections to past events or people.
    6. Watch for outside distractions, and move if necessary to allow for good conversation.